Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
-angry Facebook status
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
If the first thing you see after you die is a handbasket, you're in trouble.
-the best Facebook status
I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots. People get out of my way a lot faster now.
-funny status lines
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline it logged me back onto MySpace.
-funny fb statuses
I'm starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.