I guess I should have been a mechanic. Apparently all I'm attracted to are tools.
-funny dating status
On the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything. I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete idiots.
-rude funny statuses
Having female friends is a lot like having a pet tiger. Fun in theory, but you're always waiting for the day they turn on you.
-funny status about women
I think I might be coming down with a "woman cold", it's sorta like a "man cold", but somehow I can manage to clean, do laundry, and take care of myself.
-funny men and women sayings
A girl wearing a pink jersey is not a fan of football. She's just trying to sleep with someone who is.
likes to keep a picture of myself in my wallet so when people show me pictures of their kids, I can show them a pic of me not giving a sh*t.
-rude status updates