Don't you hate when you buy a bag of air and you find some chips in it?
-clever status updates
I always feel sorry for the person behind me at the bottle return line.
-status about alcohol
I am an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
-funny alcohol status
People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. Actually I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close.
-funny facebook quote
I am wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
-status for angry
deletes enough status updates to know that I should never get a tattoo...
-facebook best status