Don't you hate when you buy a bag of air and you find some chips in it?

I always feel sorry for the person behind me at the bottle return line.

I am an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos.

People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. Actually I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close.

I am wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?

deletes enough status updates to know that I should never get a tattoo...