I am updating my Facebook status in the car. No worries, I'm in the passenger seat! Which makes it more difficult to drive, but it fools the cops.

I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people would learn to manage their stupidity.

Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness has never hired a hitman!

If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded people for a febreeze commerical.

To find your cool robot name, take the first 16 digits of your credit card & combine it with the expiration date and security code. What's yours?

A real woman always keeps her house clean and organized, the laundry basket is always empty. She's always well dressed with her hair done. She never swears, behaves gracefully in all situations and all circumstances. She has more than enough patience to take care of her family, always has a smile on her lips, and a kind word for everyone. Post this as your status if you, too, suspect that you might be a man.