I think that some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more.

All my pictures on facebook are fake, but if you want to see what I really look like, look out your window.

is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before.

I'm gonna make a Twitter account called "that creepy guy in the white van" and follow everyone.

Remember the good ol' days when people robbed gas stations...not the other way around?

When your wife asks,"Do I look fat?" the correct response is, "Do I look stupid?"