It was lucky that I went to see a fortune teller today. She warned me that somebody was going to scam me... I was more than happy to pay for that kind of information.
-really funny posts
How to stop snoring: Place pillow tightly over partner's face, hold firmly until snoring stops, then delete this message.
-funny status quotes for facebook
If you get the feeling something awesome just happened to the universe, it's because I just woke up.
-awesome status for Facebook
Back in my day, you knew who your real friends were because they ranked you in order of importance on MySpace.
-facebook friendship quotes
People who don't know me think I'm quiet... People who do know me wish I was!
-quotes about shy people
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said. 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late." ~Jack Handey
-Jack Handey quotes