Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Old people at weddings always poke me n say "You're Next". So I started doing the same to them at funerals....

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

"Stalking" is such a strong word, I prefer "Intense Research of an Individual."

If the first thing you see after you die is a handbasket, you're in trouble.