I got on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I'm up to an hour a day. I'm slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
-funny clever status updates
I'm like a well oiled machine that someone forgot to oil.
-funny sarcastic status
I like those birthday reminders on Facebook because sometimes they remind me of the friends I need to delete.
-funny relatable posts
I am going to log off my phone early tonight and spend some quality time with my wife because I am a good husband and I left my phone charger at work.
-funny quotes on husband wife relationship
In addition to "most recent" or "top stories" I wish Facebook had a sort option of "drama of the day".
-funny posts about facebook
I guess I should have been a mechanic. Apparently all I'm attracted to are tools.
-funny dating status