When life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
-funny inspirational fb status
Hey Facebook, If I have 65 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.
-sarcastic status updates
If I had a kid, I'd name him Marbles. That way if I ever lost him I could tell people I lost my Marbles and they'd think I was being funny instead of being a neglectful parent.
-witty status messages
Do you remember when your parents used to say, "if someone is mean to you, kill em' with kindness?" How long does it take for the "killing" part to take effect?
-sarcastic status quotes
If Facebook had a "dislike" button, I'd never leave my house.
-funny status posts
I figured out that the key to enjoying yourself at pool parties is to show up right when everyone is too drunk to tag people in pictures on Facebook anymore...
-status for drinking