If you're looking for the wrong answers, you have come to the right place.
Obviously medicine companies don't know what fruit tastes like.
-funny clever status
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you definitely have a person in your basement."?
-dark humor quotes
Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
-funny work status updates
I was super lazy today. It's like regular lazy but I wore a cape.
-fun posts for facebook
If someone tells you you're their "everything", you should expect to be murdered at some point.
-dark humor jokes